“Why do we have five gallons of gravy? We don’t have a serving dish large enough for all of that.”
“Then I guess we’re going to need a bigger boat.”
“You bought the gravy just to set up that joke, didn’t you?”
“Best $40 I ever spent.”
“Life is like a—”
“Don’t you dare say ‘box of chocolates’!”
“What? Why not?”
“Because it’s a trite, clichéd phrase that doesn’t require any thought or originality on your part, and which you think makes you sound clever, but it really doesn’t.”
“People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.”
“There! You did it again! And it didn’t even make sense! You’re the one using clichés, not me.”
“You criticized me for using clichés, which is so cliché.”
“I’m just completely out of ideas.”
“But you have the domain and hosting and everything. You can’t just not post anything.”
“But I really have nothing.”
“I know! You can submit real conversations and pretend they’re fictional.”
“I don’t think about that—it sounds unethical.”
“Maybe just slightly change it to make it more interesting.”
“I guess I could give it a shot.”
“Excuse me.”
“Oh, sorry, go ahead.”
“No, no, it’s okay. I’m the pilot, you can’t leave without me anyway.”
“It’s so hot I feel like I’m melting. I know that phrase is clichéd and I hate it, but it’s how I feel. I’m sweating so much it feels like I’m melting away.”
“So go for a swim.”
“Here? Now?”
“Why not? There’s no one around.”
“Well, for starters, I didn’t bring my swimsuit. Also, this is a toxic waste dump…”
“That’s quite a stack of books you’ve got there.”
“Yeah, I’ve been going through my collection to organize them.”
“Why don’t you just get a bookshelf?”
“I have bookshelves, they’re just off them for the moment while I reorganize them. Then they’ll go back on the shelves.”
“It looks messy like this, you should put them back now.”
“But I’m organizing them.”
“I don’t care. I wouldn’t shop here if I saw it looking like this.”
“Shop here? This isn’t a bookstore, it’s my house. Who are you, anyway, and what are you doing in here?”
“How much for the chess set?”
“That’s not for sale.”
“What about the duck head?”
“Not for sale.”
“This telescope?”
“Nope.”
“Don’t you have anything for sale? Isn’t this an antique store?”
“No, it’s a museum.”
“Great job! You should get an award for being a master debater.”
“Thanks! It’d go well with the one I got last year for my cunning linguistic skills.”
“Can you close the door? I can’t hear the TV over that.”
“What?”
“…exactly.”
“Where’d you get that crystal bowl from?”
“Huh? I don’t have a crystal ball.”
“It’s right there on your coffee table.”
“No it’s not. I don’t have a crystal ball anywhere. What do I look like, a psychic?”
“Apparently not, since you don’t know that you have a crystal bowl in a prominent location in your own house!”